This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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