Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
