You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
