I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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