I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
