I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
