Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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