I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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