Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
