if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
