I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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