Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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