she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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