But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
