The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
