Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
