He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
