dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize