Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize