Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
