All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
