Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
