We won't sleep together?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
