omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
