I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
