Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
