i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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