the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
