david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
