i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
