Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
