just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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