if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
