It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
