i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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