i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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