Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
