and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
