Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
