so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
