Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
