Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
