Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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