I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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