She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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