jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
