He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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