Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
