fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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