Yo dont text me then not text me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
