You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
