Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
