ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
