How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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