Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
