Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
