I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
