whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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