there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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