Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
