so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
