i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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