She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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