It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
