just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
