i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
