You made me cry and you don't even care
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize