it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
