I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
