This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
